One of the biggest challenges I’ve been facing recently is my age.
I’ve been living in Cambodia for five months now, and recently had my 21st birthday. My days now consist of rising early, walking the dog, teaching English to missionary children from 9-11am and a Korean student from 12-2pm, Khmer language lesson 4-5pm, then hanging out with the kids.
While I really cannot complain about my life, I was never cut out to be an English teacher.
My heart is to be a Mother, whether to many or to few. I want to foster short-term, foster long-term, adopt, help at orphanages, have a house full of little ones from all over the world.
Yesterday Katherine heard of a one year old girl in the Province who was starving to death. Her poor parents work out in the fields growing fruit and vegetables and she is left alone all day and desperately needs a permanent family to nurse her back to health and love her for the rest of her life.
My heart broke, because here I am, spending my days doing things I feel are not my purpose, with my arms empty and open, and plenty of love to give.
And I can do nothing.
In Cambodia you must be at least 25 years old to foster, adopt and be orphanage staff.
At first I got so angry with the way this world is, with its “stupid” laws and age restrictions being the only things holding me back from helping these tiny souls, but God’s Word tells us to submit to authority, and not grudgingly. 1Pet.2:13-17, 1Pet.5:5
So my struggle now is to have an attitude of submission to my God, and to choose to believe that this time of waiting to be able to fulfill my purpose is not a time wasted but a time of preparation. I see Him working in my heart and changing parts of my life gradually, but can always do with reminding who is doing it (HIM not me!) so I don’t go at it in my own strength.
I decided to pray that the Lord will one day give me a malnourished little girl (for there are many of them) to pour each moment of my day into, and bring to health. This morning I read Ruth 4 and 5, of Boaz redeeming Ruth from what would probably have ended in poverty, starvation and death. How beautiful it is that God gave her that gift, not just food to eat but genuine love and care.
Hoping that God will choose to use me in the same way as He used Boaz. (Of course for a baby, not for a spouse!)